Trial and Error

        Many people do not understand what exactly Bipolar is....Half the time I don't even understand what it is and I have it. You can look up the disorder and there isn't alot to be found on it. Research has been minimual at best. The medications that are used to treat the disorder are drugs that were intended for other illnesses; such as seizures. There isn't a specific drug that I have found to use as treatment. I'm told by my doctor that most often bipolar is treated with a combination of mood-stabilzers, anti-depressants, and sometimes anxiety medicines. Although I am being treated for the disorder, no one can seem to tell me what causing this disorder. All I am told is that it has to do with the nuerotransmitters in the brain and the chemical secreted there, such as dopemin. There is just too little research.

       My experience so far hasn't been a pleasant one. The side-effects alone on some of the medications is stagering. It's like you have to risk liver failure, heart attack, stroke, kidney failure, diabetes, and even seizures. It makes you wonder whether its all worth it. For me the risk developing a heath problem is better than taking the risk of hurting someone that I love.

          I started treatment in November of 2010. I was first placed on a drug called Celex - an anti-depressant- by a doctor who had the audacity to lookme in the eye and tell me that I would need to seek help from a different provider because she " doesnt treat mental patients". People who do not have the disorder sometimes do not understand just how hurtful sterotypes can be. Have a mental disorder is confusing and scary enough without doctors treating us as if we are somehow contagious or dont deserve xare because we have a mental disorder, not a physical ailment.

         After a rocky start with the first doctor, I was a little anxious about finding someone who wouldnt trat me as if I was somehow less of a person due to my illness. My husband encouraged me to see another doctor. In December I found a doctor who would treat my illness. He didnt look at me as a freak. He talked to me about my symptoms and started me on 50mg twice daily of a drug called Seroquel- It is used mainly as a treatment to people who suffer from seizures but has been found successful as a mood-stabilizing drug for bipolar patients. He also prescibed me a prescription for Xanax .5mg tablets to take as needed for anxiety. After 2 weeks I had to go back so he could see if I was feeling any better. I was, but still wasnt anywhere near feeling fine. Over the course of my treatment I have been on a number of different prescriptions: Celexa 20mg, 40mg tablets; Seroquel 50mg, 100mg, 150 mg tablets; Seroquel XR 300mg tabs; Xanax .5mg tabs; Restoril 15mg capsules - a sedative-; and most recently Cumbalta 30mg caps, 60mg caps.

            As I mentioned some of these drugs can have some serious side-effects. The seroquel caused my thyroid levels to drop and I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. Yet another drug had to be used called synthroid. They gave me the smallest dosage. This appeared to fix my thyroid problems, but I still had a major side effect that I wasnt happy about....Weight gain. The weight gain has been horrible. No matter what is cut from or added to my diet; one thing never changes: The weight continues to climb. So now I have a whole slew of other health problems to worry about.  So now it looks as if I will be changing meds yet again. It is very frustrating. But I try to be optimistic. My doctor tells me that it just takes some time to find the right combination of drugs. I hope that he is right.